what if we…

Speak God. I’m Ready to Listen

(this is like the climax to all my post this summer; all those blogs were dancing around these words)

Have you ever just felt dead.  When the whole world is spinning and everything seems to be moving in sync with it while you feel lifeless and out-of-sync with it all.  Well, that basically sums up these past few months for me.

Over a span of three months, a time that felt like eternity yet flowing quickly before my eyes, I have discovered hidden demons inside of me and have fought what appeared to be my foundations.  What started as a supposed time of mediation and self discovery took a sharp turn and became a war between me and myself disguised in cloaks of this world.  Looking back over the years, this has been a long time coming.  I can’t really pinpoint when, but I remember certain changed in my life that took me from a safe and secure environment and slowly corroded those walls until I stood bare in a world around me that was strange and frightening.

As I started my trek to finding my “comfort zone” again, I began to drift farther away from God’s will for my life and into what I wanted for my life.  Growing up in life I have learned that to be alive, we must surrender all; that in God we are made whole and more of ourselves than we could on our own.  I have tried at least every excuse I could to try and think different.  That philosophy didn’t go well with my questions and opinions.  While trying to discover my faith, what I ended up doing was trying to tweak it to what suits me and my “comfort zone”.  Keep in mind this was all going on while in college trying to plan and figure out my life’s path

As time moved on, I started to feel dead.  Lack of purpose and meaning for anything began to build a new beast in the deepest, darkest parts of my heart; rage.  This rage, though it scared the crap out of me, I found a slight comfort in it because it was an instantaneous response and solution to a circumstance; lets just blame someone else.  Trying to keep this to myself and let people see me as what they wanted to see me as, I would feel like just a shadow in this world; always in the way and wandering aimlessly trying to impress people and get them to seem me as I am without breaking the mold.  But, as you slowly crawl into a world of confusion and standing near insanity, there comes a time where you can’t hold it any more and beg someone to save you from it…thank you Jesus!!

By the will of God, I have discovered purpose.  By the love of God and the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ, I have found the will and power to truly love like they do.  By taking my plans, ideas, opinions and tearing them to shreds and throwing them out the window, I have discovered that there are bigger and brighter things than what this world has to offer.   In the comfort of my own “comfort zone” I am safe, but in the mysterious world beyond these walls, I am alive & I am me.  I am me under the grace of God and no one can change that.

There were times where I felt like when I was crying out to God that I was basically calling out to myself and my “idols” in this world for comfort and guidance. And there are sometimes when I feel that he does hear me, but it’s like he is telling me that I’m not done.  I still have much to learn. And I know I do.  I have tremendous faith in my God.  I know that sometimes I may not have the best representation of it, but at the end of the day, He has been the one who gave me life.  Each morning I wake up is another blessing from him so that I may learn and grow as a servant, lover, and devoted follower.  And when it is all said and done, All I wish is to hear him tell me is “Well done, good and faithful one.”

 

As I have just read…

“GOD’S message to the family of Israel:

‘Seek me and live.  Don’t fool around at those shrines of Bethel.  Don’t waste time taking trips to Gilgal, and don’t bother going down to Beer-sheba.  Gilgal is here today and gone tomorrow and Bethel is all show, no substance.

‘So seek GOD and live!  You don’t want to end up with nothing to show for your life but a pile of ashes, a house burned to the ground.  For GOD will send just such a fire, and the firefighters will show up too late.’ “

-Amos 5:4-6 (The Message)

The things of this world are temporary and short, but GOD and his power are eternal.  We must seek it before it is too late, because one day the final curtain will be drawn and it will be too late.

 

“In life or death, God we belong to you!”- Yours (New Verse), by Steven Curtis Chapman. (part of a verse written after the tragic passing of his 5 year old adopted daughter from China this past May.  Visit his website by the link to the right to learn more).

 

Tonight is a new beginning.  Tomorrow is the beginning of a new adventure.  I will still have my troubles, sorrows, and doubts, but by the wonderful, incredible grace of God (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I have a desire for this world.  And I will be journeying through it as…me.

ART*MUSIC*JUSTICE TOUR

I am really stocked about this tour!(!!!)

While in college, I have been introduced to social justice issues (i.e. modern day slavery; genocide; health issues in third world countries) and I have discovered a burning desire to do whatever I can to fight it.

I first heard about this tour when I visited one of the artist (Sara Groves) website and just got absolutely excited. I am a big fan of all these artist and the fact that they are putting together a setting where I can grow in spirit and in knowledge I just found fantastic. The tour, miraculously, is coming to my state during it’s time so I am definitely going to catch it.

If you want any more information, you can visit one of the links below:
The ART*MUSIC*JUSTICE myspace page
Sara Groves website
Brandon Heath website
Derek Webb website
Sandra McCracken website
Charlie Peacock website

And here are the links to the Organizations who are helping sponsor this tour:
International Justice Missions
Food for the Hungry

David Crowder*Band- Remedy Live…in your theatre!!

Jesus Messiah

The Calling of Jermiah [of us All]

I have this devotional book that I try to read daily (try being the operative word). I was reading over yesterdays section and found it completely relatable to my present state. First though, let me discuss this ’state’.

In four weeks when I head back to college, I will be involved in a revolutionary process (at least it is for us) with the Baptist Campus Ministry (BCM) on campus. I will be one of around 15 different people who will be the leader of a small group of students. The basics of this is that instead of waiting on them to come to us, we will go to them. The hope is to each group gather a small group of college students (hopefully outside of the BCM) and grow together in the Lord. I will do bible studies and plan different events where we could have fun and just hang out and talk. And we hope that there will come a time when someone in the group is capable of moving out and starting up another group.

Well, ever since I first agreed to help with this at the end of the spring semester, I have basically been wigging out; it scares the crap out of me! I will admit one small flaw…I’m an introvert. I have just been struggling with the idea that me, an introverted soul going through a time of spiritual distortion, would do any good being the leader of a group of other college students.

But then I read this…

“The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”
But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declared the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today, I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant…Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them.”
-Jeremiah 1: 4-10,17

Now here is Jeremiah, a young boy who was called by the LORD do go out and do great things in his name. Jeremiah, when he heard the voice of the LORD, couldn’t see why he could be of any use, he was only a child. The LORD saw his fears and doubts, but told Jeremiah to not let those hinder him, for he was with him. The LORD gave Jeremiah the words to speak. Jeremiah, one of the great prophets of old, did nothing on his own.

Right now I feel like Jeremiah, unsure of how the LORD Almighty could use me. I get awkward when I do conversations with a small group of people I don’t really know and lately I have been really struggling securing my faith, so I can’t seem to see how any of this is gonna help.

But, LORD, I see that it is not I who will be doing the talking, it will be you. I lift up to you these groups. May us who are honored to lead hide our selves behind you and may your words be the ones they hear, not our own. May your kingdom spread across our campus as we take that faithful step out of our comfort zone. Lay your hand on us and on the campus.

Phil Wickham : singalong

Two Decades Done…

As 6:23pm today (July 20th) I shal have completed two decades of my life…

I shall be 20

It’s intimidating to leave the comfort of the teenage years and be faced against the real world, but it’s exciting to think of what lies ahead.  Times may be tough, but I know I’m not alone.